Monday, February 9, 2009

Who Has Bipolar?

Do you ever wonder if YOU'RE the one with bipolar instead of the one who has been diagnosed?? I've heard this is common if you've been with someone who is bipolar for awhile. Divorce is common too when one of you has bipolar. I can definitely see why. Yesterday I was the one completely in the wrong. First, I miss-read him not sitting by me (it just so happens he really didn't see me). I thought he didn't sit by me because of the not-so-great conversation we had before I left. Then he apologized for his negativity towards something I'm involved in. Instead of accepting his apology, I used this as an opportunity to vent every problem I've had with him in the past month or year or lifetime. It would be nice to build a network of those who are married to someone who is bipolar so I can have some idea of "normal" in my circumstance. I feel so isolated from those who have "normal" marriage problems. The advise in books works for those kind of marriages....but I'm not so sure they work in bipolar marriages. So if you're stopping by my blog because you're married to someone who has bipolar....PLEASE post a comment or send me a message.


  1. I have been married for 8 1/2 years. I thought for a long time that my husband was just a "difficult" person - short tempered. He worked when I met him but lost his job due to death of his employer about 4 1/2 years ago and hasn't worked since. He is always doing home projects so he isn't lazy but having to pay for all these projects is wearing me down. I feel like all I have done since we married is continue to try and pay off debts. I have a really good job but my stomach gets upset if I go out and buy a pair of pants - wondering how I'm going to pay for them. My husband can't stand my family and he blames my 87 year old, nearly blind father for everything. He thinks my Dad is a sociopath. My Dad lives nearby and has been shunted from place to place since I was married. He lived with us for a short time before I told him he couldn't live with us anymore. I have tried everything to please my husband but the horrible things he says about my Dad just eat my heart out. I feel like a horrible person for what I have done to my Dad. I feel like a traitor for still living with and loving this man who blames everything on my Dad and me. My husband does not believe he is bi-polar and I have only begun to think over the past year that this is what is wrong. I really don't know for sure.....he doesn't quite fit the definitions I see on the web. I don't really see him depressed but he does talk fast and can say mean things. He has no inclination to work or take responsibility for his children from a previous marriage. I have paid his child support for 5 years. Why do I stay with him? Divorce is just not as simple as snapping your fingers and it's done. As I write this stuff down, I am sure that he is bipolar but when he seems rationale, I begin to doubt it - every time. I feel that I am in hell and I have become very depressed myself. All I want to do is cry and yet I just keep hanging on..........

  2. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH there is someone else out there who is going through the same thing as me? I thought I was the only one. I know what you mean about wishing we could read those marriage books written for normal marriages. My husband doesn't even know he has a problem or if he does he won't admit it. We are going to a marriage counselor today and I am giving an ultimatum- either go to a psychiatrist and get this under control or i am out. I feel like I am dying a slow death inside. Who is this person I'm married to? I don't know him, can't get close to him and can't have a "normal" conversation with him. He talks about really abstract stuff, religion and politics. When he drinks the mania is a million times worse and the only way i can describe it is craziness. I repeat over and over to myself that God is not the author of confusion. I want out of this marriage so bad, but as a Christian I am trying to stick it out. I am so confused and lonely. I don't love this man the way a wife should love her husband and I don't feel he loves me. Everything is just weird and unnatural. sigh.
    As I read another readers comment I was reminded that he hates my mother and everything is her fault. Everything. if we are fighting, she is always brought into it. There is NO reasoning with this man.

  3. STACY!!! You have taken the words right out of my mouth with your blog! First off, I want to thank you whole-heartedly for "airing your dirty laundry", so to speak. Because this really does help the rest of us who thought they were alone in feeling this way. I am trying very hard to not get eaten alive by resentment, but it's difficult to be told that in order to be patient and understanding of your loved one's disease (which none of it is their fault)YOU have to make all the emotional sacrifices. I feel like, why should I have to tiptoe around, afraid to say or do anything for fear of "provoking" an attack, and then I have to just shut up and take it, and be PATIENT and UNDERSTANDING????????? Sometimes I feel like God is punishing me in the form of my husband. And it really hurts that my mother and my twin sister are both dead, I am estranged from the rest of my family, and I feel like my husband's mother always takes his side. Who do I have to turn to, to be loving and supportive of MY emotions???? So it is a relief to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way!!!!

  4. Wow......I am married for just over a year now. My husband and I are now seperated for 3 not sure if I want to make it work.his aunt and brother have bipolar and they are taking husband gets irritated for every little thing and blames me for everything. He thinks he is always right.he always contradicts himself.wen he drinks...its so bad....on 3 occasions he had a tantrum attack in the car and broke his windscreen. He thinks I am the problem and he always says I provoke him but in my heart I know he is not normal.

    He is now going to see a psychiatrist but how wil they diagnose him? He lies alot as well. :( mail me .....

  5. Hi,

    You guys, can you please share updates about how your spouses and marriages are doing? My husband has not been diagnosed yet, but I know he has bipolar disorder (and probably other illnesses as well). How do I get him to see a psychiatrist? I am ready to walk out, but I feel that if he got a diagnosis, we could work through some of these things. I'm not saying I'm so great-I know I am difficult to live with. But my husband has literally screamed in my face like I'm in the military. He disappears for nights then comes back and refuses to discuss where he has been.

    Also, does anyone ever find that their spouse picks fights before an event that's important to you? I notice that he picks fights and causes plans to fall through when he knowsI'm excited about the upcoming event. I'm beginning to really resent him.


PLEASE post comments. Comments affirm me to continue blogging for some reason. Thank you!