Excercise 1: Bipolar Disorder and Your Relationship

Taken from Julie Fast's book, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder. Excercise 1: Answer the following questions in your journal. 1. How has bipolar disorder affected my relationship as a whole? Bipolar disorder has caused me to not trust my husband when he is in hypomania or neutral mood for fear of his actions when he hits depression or anger/irritability. Bipolar disorder has caused us to enter a cycle:

• Climactic Episode (Him)
• Reconciliation (Both)
• Open Communication (Both)
• Desire to make an effort (Both)
• Depression (Him)
• Resentment & Hopelessness (Her)
• Makes an Effort (Him)
• Pandora's Box-Releases bottled hurt (Her)
• Anger & Depression (Him)
• Depression (Her)
• Depression & Irritability (Him)
• Makes an Effort (Her)
• Climactic Episode (Him)

2. How has it affected me as a person?

I have become insecure because I cannot rely on support from him and feel like I have no one who appreciates me or helps me get through my own tough times.

I worry about his mood and focus on trying to keep peace.

I am resentful and bitter because the reality that life is not what I had hoped it would be.

I am distant and cope by isolating myself from him and the kids (when he is around) in order to just get through the day without confrontation or disappointment.

I have distanced myself from God.

I am afraid to get too attached to any new ideas or activities because of his changing moods towards things.

3. What is the hardest thing I face daily regarding this illness?

When he arrives home from work depressed and knowing the evening will be spent in silence. Wondering if I should talk to him or if he's going to get mad if I ask him the wrong question or if he is just going to reject me by being distant.

4. What do I want to see change right now?

I would like him to make an effort to bring up his thoughts and begin making a plan to deal better with bipolar instead of me pushing him to do it.

5. What do I need in my own life to find happiness?

I need him to communicate with me daily about what he is dealing with even if it is a good day and even if it is a bad day.

When he is feeling good, I need his support with the daily functions of the house and kids.

6. If things stay as they are, where do I see my relationship in the future?

One of us leaving for good and the kids resenting him and becoming very angry as they reach teenager years.

What I am willing to do:

1. I am willing to learn new techniques to help him get well.

2. I understand that bipolar is an illness and I am willing to work with him instead of blaming him.

3. I agree that I need to makes some lifestyle changes in my own lifestyle to help him stay stable (exercise, journaling, routines, social obligations)

4. I am willing to try the techniques in this book for 6 months and if things are not working or he is not ready, I will reevaluate...but I will give it 6 months (until our Anniversary on August 9)

5. I agree to examine my own behavior in regards to the effect I have on his bipolar symptoms.

6. I understand he is ill and not sick on purpose. I will remind myself of this when I am frustrated with his progress.

What I desire us to do together:

1. Work on bipolar disorder together---as a team.

2. Use the techniques in this book even if they don't work immediately.

3. Agree that big changes will take time.

4. Agree to love each other and strive for our relationship to be healthy and whole.

5. Agree that we can't continue as we are if we want our relationship to survive.

6. Figure out how we can help our kids and communicate with them together.